Joke of the Week (65)

Friday, 28 April 2017 11:33

Joke Of The Week 4/28

He just wants to be known as Richard from Green, and he gets The Works from Klaben Auto for the Joke of the Week.
Three guys die and go to hell. When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their jewels.
Literally. .
“Oh, how are you going to do it?” asks one of the guys.
“Whatever your father’s jobs were, that’s how I’ll remove them” says the devil.
So he calls over the first guy “Your father was a lumberjack… So will use a chain saw.” With with one swipe of the saw, they were gone.
To the second guy he says “Your father was a blacksmith… So I’m going to burn it off” And with one rush of flame, they were gone.
As the Devil calls the third guy over he notices his third victim is smiling. “Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends jewels!" says the devil.
“I know,” replies the man, “but my father sold popsicles.”

Friday, 14 April 2017 10:07

Joke of the Week 4/14/17

jokoftheweek tomato

Joke of the week!! Thanks to Barb from Lakemore. She wins THE WORKS from any of the Klaben Auto Stores in Kent!! 
Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room in Pittsburgh. The first man's dog asked the second man's dog what he's there for. "They are putting me down," he says.
 
Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says, "Well, you see...I've been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I'm going to be put to sleep"
 
The second dog says, "well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn't like it because my scent wasn't anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I peed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also."
 
The third dog said, "this is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I jumped on her." 
 
The other dogs say, " so that's why they are putting you to sleep?" 
 
No, says the dog, "she is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"
 
Friday, 07 April 2017 10:09

Joke of the Week 4/7/17

jokoftheweek tomato

This Joke of the Week for The Works from Klaben is a HOT one! Thanks to Arnie of Ellet -- last name withheld by request.

Bengal Betty goes into a sex shop and starts to browse.

She’s looking at all the toys on the walls and sees a big red one. She asks the cashier, “How much is this one?” He replies “It’s not for sale that’s a fire extinguisher.”

 

 

Friday, 31 March 2017 10:10

Joke of the Week 3/31/17

jokeoftheweek girl1

This week's JOKE winner for The Works from Klaben is a twosome -- D & L from Akron for this gem!

A very strict minister was seated on a plane bound from Hong Kong to the US with a stopover in Honolulu.

A crusty old Marine boarded and as fate would have it he was seated next to the strict minister. The Stewardess asked the Marine if he wanted a cocktail?

The soldier got a Rum and Coke, Then she asked the minister if he wanted a drink.

He said, in a disgusted tone, "I'd rather be savagely abused by a dozen sluts than let liquor touch my lips."

The old Marine then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said "I'D LIKE THAT TOO, I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A CHOICE."

 

Friday, 24 March 2017 10:12

Joke of the Week 3/24/17

jokeoftheweek bananas

The Klaben Auto Works package goes to Denny Henke of Akron:

It was a rough season for the Cincinnati Bengals but after they beat the Ravens, Bengal Bob (Bengal Betty's half-brother) went to a "Who Dey" party and ended up getting totally wasted.

A couple of days later he noticed 3 rings around his you know what. This got him pretty scared so he went to the doctor. The doctor ordered tests.

Five days later, the doctor called and said, "Bengal Bob...I have good news and some bad news."

Bengal Bob said, "What's the good news?"

The doctor said, "The red ring is lipstick."

Bengal Bob asked "OMG, what is the bad news?"

The doctor responded "the other two are chewing tobacco!"

 

Friday, 17 March 2017 09:40

Joke of the Week 3/17/17

jokoftheweek frogs

The Joke of the Week comes from Jim Brown of Hudson, who snares The Works from Klaben Auto.

A man walked into a church in Pittsburgh and told the priest he had problems. The man didn’t have any arms and he couldn’t find a job.

The priest had an idea. He told the man that he could ring the bell. He showed him where and told him to move forward pushing the bell forward and get out of the way to let it ring.

The man started and got good at it...until one day, he didn’t get out of the way and the bell swung back and knocked him off the tower to his death. A crowd gathered, but no one knew him.

Then along came the priest...they all asked if he recognized the man: his response was "I don't remember his name, but his face rings a bell"!

 

Friday, 10 March 2017 09:39

Joke of the Week 3/10/17

jokoftheweek dog

Joke of the Week is a sick one -- and thanks Denny Henke of New Philadelphia, who gets The Works from Klaben.

There was a bad airline crash in Pittsburgh. The FAA called family members to an aircraft hanger to Identify the remains. After most had been identified, and official reached down and picked up a head by the hair, held it high above his head, and called out "can anyone identify this man?'

A guy way in the back yells out "it looks like my brother.......but he wasn't that tall!!!"

 

 

Friday, 03 March 2017 09:54

Joke of the Week 3/3/17

jokeoftheweek neonlights

Joke of the Week goes to Dave Cornish of Akron, who gets The Works from Klaben Auto for this quickie

Have you ever wondered if the dollar bills in your purse or wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack?

If not, you’re wondering now. Have a nice day!

 

 

Monday, 27 February 2017 11:27

Joke of the Week 2/24/17

jokeoftheweek donkey

Congrats and thanks to Terri Heffelfinger of Jeromesville for this Joke of the Week -- getting The Works from Klaben Auto!

After a long day at the waste treatment facility, Steeler Jim arrives home to his trailer, walks in and sees his wife, Bengal Betty, watching a cooking show.

He says, "Why are you watching that? You don't know how to cook."

Bengal Betty looks at him and says "So...you watch porn."

 

Friday, 17 February 2017 09:39

Joke of the Week 2/17

jokeoftheweek bananas

Jim Gibson's getting The Works from Klaben Auto for the Joke of the Week.

Little Mario comes back from the school crying. “Mom, everybody in the school calls me "Mafioso".

“Donna worry, my son. Tomorrow I will go to see the principal.”

“Thank you mom. Please make it look like an accident.”

 

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